I glanced up from the work on my desk and caught a glimpse of my boss, 5 months pregnant, as she walked by my office on her way to a meeting. As she passed by I had a visual flash of her energy body: there was no spirit attached to the body in her womb. She would have a miscarriage.
Her body was pregnant. Her spirit wasn’t.
A few weeks later she miscarried. This was her second IVF conception and consequent miscarriage at 5 months.
When we create what we want, we create two times. We create as spirit and then we experience our creation coming into being on a body level.
Ten years ago as I sat at my desk, I wondered how pregnancy could happen without the spiritual agreement with a baby being? Something was amiss. And then an idea landed with a thud in my awareness, “She was forcing her body to be pregnant.” This was a different phenomena than the baby, mother or father deciding after conception to end their agreement.
What is it to force your body to become pregnant? We can force issues, make people do what we want. We all do this at times, use our 3rd chakra to override a situation.
But by seeing her energy body I learned that we could override our spiritual information and make our body do something our spirit doesn’t want to do. We could rev up our place of personal power and make something so on a body level.
But this is short lived, as with anything forced, what our spirit wants comes back into the picture. Our spirit sets the tone for our body.
Months later I did a reading for her. The theme was “What was inhibiting her from becoming a mom?” I found words to gracefully share what her life force energy was expressing. This is a synopsis:
Her ovaries were shut down. She had experienced sexual abuse as a young girl and this part of her had not healed. This part of her did not want to be pregnant or become a mom. This part of her wanted to be listened to and did not want to share space with a baby or give up what little listening time the adult woman offered to this child inside, her first child, herself.
Her response was flat, unaffected. Denial of her pain placed her in the only seat she saw at the table; she would try again as soon as possible to conceive. She was in the loop of IVF and wasn’t going to stop.
Soon after, I left this job. I don’t know if she became a mom.
This experience was the beginning of my understanding women’s journeys into pregnancy. Since then I’ve watched many women heal and become pregnant, allowing their pregnancy and their healing journey to become one.
We can listen to our innermost truths. We can give ourselves the room we need to receive healing from within and from others. When we give ourselves room to grieve, our pain teaches us about our needs. Once we know our needs, we can address what we want to create in our lives.
There is always room to begin to have a genuine relationship with our self, our partner and to lovingly envision the spirits we can give birth to. We can ease into what a deep love for our self can bring us.